“Why does the postcard say Tour Eiffel? Why would I want to send a postcard to someone telling them to tour the Eiffel Tower?”

—An American Tourist in Paris

“Only in Paris do people kiss like that and not immediately do it afterwards!”

—Wistful American Expatriate

“Hooray! Superstar! Scooby Doo!”

—Fat old drunk woman at Stephen Malkmus concert in Philly before going up to the stage and giving him her necklace